Good news - still a good heartbeat, she is normal size for a bean of her gestational age (she's growing right on time), and her kidneys look great.
Bad news - she has a fluid buildup on the back of her neck and head (I can't remember what it's called), fluid pockets in her abdomen, general edema (swelling) of the whole body, and fluid on her lungs. They couldn't get a good look at her fingers and toes, nor her heart. The fluid retention is the scariest part - everyone there at the doctors office tells me that most Patau Syndrome (aka Trisomy 13) babies with swelling like that are not long for this world. At this point we are taking things in two week increments (which is how often I have to go to the doc), and see how things go.
If Bella stays where she is past 26 weeks, I can have a c-section when it's time for her to be born. If sooner, they will probably make me go through regular childbirth, since she won't be able to live outside the womb. So they say. I thought they could live if born sooner than that, but that may not apply to a Patau baby.
I'm so . . . torn. Part of me refuses to believe that this is happening, that even if it is happening, it will reverse, or be totally untrue upon birth. The other part of me . . well, she's not so optimistic. It's very, very hard to go through each day, feeling this child moving inside me, knowing there's a possibility that she may never see the light of day. Sometimes, like right now, my hope runs dry. Then I run on faith, and even that seems sparse some days.
I'm sorry, guys, to get so maudlin. I can't always be Miss Perky Optimist, although I sure wish I could be. You all be strong for me, okay? Because sometimes I can't do it on my own.
James, Neely, Zoe, and our Bella